Meh. I wish I could say I haven’t been doing these because I’m super busy…but I’m not. In all actuality I don’t know what it is. I’m not that super depressed. I’m not stressed. I just am lazy probably.

Two weeks ago was my birthday. I turned 26. God I feel old. At 25 I could still do stupid things and say I’m young. Now I feel like I can’t do that anymore. Sadly…that day…I was still young and stupid. I went out with Lauren and a few of our friends. We went to Cheesie’s had a few drinks and a lot of shots then we went out dancing. Lauren got frustrated and left early. I stayed with Eric and Christia, but they soon left too. After I had even more drinks. I got convinced by some guys to stay longer so I did. They bought me even more drinks. I blacked out. I came to on my train at my stop throwing up on myself at 5 AM as someone asked if I was okay…I wasn’t. I got off and took the bus home and passed out in my shower. Turned 26 and still drinking like I’m 20. God I’m a man-child…honestly, part of me all day was hoping to get a birthday wish from…him, but alas that didn’t happen and it’s fine.

School is picking up. It’s the mid point of the quarter. I am now working on my script for a feature length film and also a script for a spec of the flash. It should be fun. On an awesome note, last quarter I wrote a 5 page script that was hopefully to be picked by the directing students in order to be produced. My script was picked. By the end of this quarter, a script I wrote will be converted to film. I’m so excited about that.

Last weekend, I went out with one of my friends. We went out dancing and once again I had a lot to drink. Guys kept buying me drinks. My friend left but I met this guy. He was super cute and I was into him. He bought me drinks and then we were dancing. He just looks at me and says, “how awkward would it be if I picked you up?” I didn’t know how to respond so he did it. (This has always been kind of a sexy wish of mine. I think it’s so cute to just be picked up and danced with). Then he tells me let’s go outside cause he wants to talk to me more. So we go outside (mind you it is snowing hard). We talk out in the snow (again romantic). He says time for more dancing then leads me back in. He buys me more drinks and confirms it’s time to go. We stand outside and after all of the guys I’ve dealt with…I just cut to the chase: “Are you into me?” “I don’t know. But I had so much fun with you. Let’s just enjoy that.” I take that as a no. My…stance changed. He asked if I was upset so I said no…just confused. Then he began getting mad at me. Telling me that I’m ruining this great night we had. I just met this guy. I don’t want to deal with this so left. He calls me. He asks what is my deal and why I am being a jerk. I said I’m not and I would like to be his friend just getting lead on kind of annoys me. He still starts getting mad at me and starts saying I’m just drunk. Nope. So done with that. I said forget it and hung up. This is why I don’t want to try for dating anymore. When I put effort or believe someone is into me…something happens. I just want to drink and play video games and hang out with my friends and go to school. I’ll stick to that.

Snow. Lots of fucking snow. The night I was coming home after dancing it was snowing hard. I had to slide down the street in about an inch of snow. By Tuesday there was about 2 feet of show piled up outside my apartment. I couldn’t go to class all week and I hate it. I hate being stuck at home. I have plans this weekend so I hope the snow is melted enough so I can get the fuck out.

I’m going home to Florida in a month. My mom is buying me a ticket. I’m so excited but I’m also…scared as hell. I want to see Jimmy so badly…and I think he will want to see me…but it’s going to suck to know he’s still dating that girl over me…to see him after a year of not seeing each other for one day…it’s going to change things. I just don’t know what outcome will happen. I’m not thinking we are getting back together. I don’t want that. I’m just confused if we will try to be friends or if this will pick at our scab of our relationship or we will both realize how much the other has changed in a year and hate each other. But whatever. I’ll get to see all my friends and my family and get my fucking tan going again.