Where to begin? So I went out one night…and did something stupid. I drunkenly messaged Jimmy telling him I miss him and think about him everyday but I also want to punch him in the face. The next day I had a job interview and some errands to take care of. As I was getting dressed I see on my phone: “Jimmy added you on Snapchat. Jimmy sent you a snapchat.” It was to Russell asking how do you say I’m sorry in Japanese. I replied asking why he sent that to me…he told me I was intended to see the final product…how sweet? You cheated on me and left me for a girl and haven’t talked to me in 2 months and your apology is over snap chat. I was so frazzled. I told him I can’t deal with this and we should talk later. Later that evening he messages me saying: “he doesn’t want to go through with us talking because he is still confused and not even sure if he made the right choice but that he misses me.” Neat. I messaged him Saturday night saying what the heck. Yeah, he can fix everything. It’s awful but I know I would get back with him if he did some great things to prove he wanted me. He said he knows I want him to fix things he just doesn’t know how. So I asked if he’s still dating that girl…he is. So I said don’t worry about it. I don’t know why I do this. Why we so this. I’ve been…fine these past couple of months. I’ve missed him yes. I do want him to fight for me. But if he’s not going to. I can live with that.

On to positive things. My money problems with the school are gone but now I have to turn my two year program into a 3 year one. Kind of sucks. Means I’m stuck in Chicago until I’m like 28. Egad. Oh well. Who knows what the next few years have in store for me.

So I haven’t been going out because Lauren and I have been broke. Fuck that. I went to celebrate being done with a bulk of my classes so I went out dancing. No roofies this time. So that’s a good thing.

Friday night Lauren wanted to go out to Cheesie’s. We haven’t been since like Halloween. I missed our friends there. So I invited Eric and went with Lauren and Jacqueline. We just hung out and drank and I played Pokemon…(the new one that came out). Eric and I went out dancing afterward. Nothing great. I just danced by myself and Eric had this tiny little 20 year old make out with him. Guess I’m sort of over that jealous thing pertaining to him.

Saturday was super nice out. It like 52 and I was working on a final a majority of the day so I wanted to go out and celebrate. No one wanted to go so I went out alone. Just kind of drank and danced and did my own things. Gay bars are fun. Gay guys love dancing. They can dance from 10-5 and keep going. That’s all I like to do. I enjoy the attention every now and then but ultimately I just want to dance.

Tomorrow is my last class of this quarter but I’m officially done with this quarter. All papers are turned in. I don’t even have to show up tomorrow but I will. I want a job and I’m ready for this cold holiday season. Glad I’ll have Lauren to celebrate it with.