A Blur of Rainbows and Greens

Pride fest weekend. Lets just say the gays don’t stay quiet long. I went out Saturday night and started with Cheesies. I ran into one of my friends but he was on a date. I tried not to crash it but as I kept drinking…things just happen. I went out dancing and met the girl in a wheelchair. I tried speaking to her about finding a new apartment. She said her girlfriend might know something. I’m hoping they might. Hey maybe they need a roommate?! I don’t mind living with lesbians. Nothing too crazy happened at the clubs. I started heading home to the train. I had to be up the next day at like noon to meet Lauren for Pride fest. On my walk to the train I met this straight guy. He said he was bar hopping tonight and heading back to his hotel (he was a flight attendant). We were just chit chatting at the train stop and his arrived before mine. He looks at me and leans down and says, “I’m only doing this cause I’m nice.” then proceeded to shove his tongue down my throat. Uh? Firstly, this guy wasn’t even my type. Secondly, at no point was I hitting on him. Thirdly, what the fuck? He just kissed me then hopped on the train and left. Okay. I didn’t get home until like 5-6? I was really drunk so I sat up watching Gilmore Girls and eating sandwich meats in hopes of no hangover the next day. It worked.

Sunday was another day of Pride fest. Lauren, Yumi, and I were gonna hang out the entire day. I went to their apartment and we hung out and watched a movie, had lunch, and of course drank. Once we were all sufficiently tipsy (Yumi mixed a mean drink) we headed downstairs to Pride fest. It was literally a party in the streets. I loved it. We finished the drink we made. Had some sangrias. Danced a lot. We were all having fun and everyone was drunk. I met one of my friends and we smoked pot in the middle of the outdoor dance floor. The girls left and I went out dancing.

First, I had to call my dad. Father’s Day and all. My dad and  I were never close growing up but now we learned to respect each other and I actually enjoy his company. I called him and told him my favorite memory of him. We were young and walking through NYC and this homeless man approached us and asked him for money. My dad told Luis and I to wait while he went into a store and bought the man a sandwich. It wasn’t anything special but I thought it was nice. It reminded me of how selfless both my parents are. They’ll be first to jump into a fight.

Anyways, back to being a slut. So we went Roscoes to go dancing cause it was Britney night and it’s always cray. My friend bought me several drinks. When I become faded I become very focused and if I’m feeling slutty it’s a bad combo. I was dancing like the biggest tramp on the dance floor. Groping. Kissing. Licking. You know the like. Afterward, my friend and I went outside to cool down. This cute little French boy (he was straight up from France) sits next to us. He was wiping tears away so I asked him what’s wrong. He starts going on about how everyone here was hot and he isn’t. He was cute. I’m grateful my self confidence has never been that low. I’ve just never compared myself to other people. We tried cheering the kid up but he wasn’t having it. We sat outside smoking and talking. The French boy went to an after hours bar to go give his confidence issue (ie get lucky) and my friend was going to a close by event. We got lost (we were both drunk). We gave up and he walked me to the train. Mind you I’m a mess right now. So I’m sitting on the train and there’s several wasted people as well. It’s 3 AM what do you expect. Then this older Spanish guy gets on and says “Oh what a bunch of fucking drunks.” in Spanish. This girl shot him a look so he snaps at her, “What the fuck are you looking at?” I snapped. I told him, “She’s looking at you cause you’re talking shit. You’re speaking Spanish it’s not like you’re speaking some fucking mysterious language.” He got pissed and got off the train. Why be mean to people? There’s no purpose. You bet your ass I’ll defend someone. One of the lessons I proudly learned from my parents.

So we are going to get extremely graphic but I will keep it mild. The next day I was hungover as fuck and kind of just derped in bed and watched Gilmore Girls. This guy wanted to hang out. He said we could smoke some pot and just hang out. Okay. His shit was strong. I was high the entire day. Anyways, we were smoking and hanging out and obviously the topic of sex came up (as it normally does). Long story short I found out orgasms while high are an incredible experience. Clearly I have to chase that high for the rest of my life. I’m totally kidding. Though I have to admit. I think I smoked too much this weekend. Considering I almost never do it. The actual pride parade is this Sunday…so this’ll probably be another crazy weekend. Whoops.

So I have a lot of job interviews coming up and all are promising. I have one Thursday, a third interview with the TV logging company, and a final interview for a customer service position. If I can get either of these jobs I can afford a nice studio. It will also mean I won’t have to go home to Florida when I graduate. I have high hopes. I will balance my erratic social life, a good job, and school. Believe it or not I’m fairly responsible.

A Little Too Immature

So Marc suggested I give Jimmy some time and see if he contacted me. I know Jimmy. I knew he wouldn’t because he shut down from the situation. It got me thinking about his dad. Jimmy once told me about this time where his dad didn’t talk to his mom for an entire year because he was mad at her. Now while these situations are completely different the outcome is the same. His mom probably was really upset but couldn’t even talk to his dad about it. Now here I was feeling completely shitty and unwanted and Jimmy was nowhere to be seen. I couldn’t wait. I texted him saying we need to talk. We spoke that night. I told him the comparison of him and his dad and he got really offended. He said his dad did that to be mean–he shut down because he didn’t know how to deal with the situation. I told him the outcome is the same and he agreed. I told him he can’t do that. He can’t shut down and leave me to deal with things on my own. I asked him if he even wants to be with me. He said he still sees us in the future in a “hipster apartment in the city with our Korean baby”; however, he’s still scared of the commitment right now. While I’m the opposite. I want to be with him right now, I can’t really say if I’ll want to be with him in the future. Chris was in my life for 5 years. We both said things like we’ll be together forever. Obviously that didn’t pan out. How can I promise the same things to Jimmy let alone expect the same promise? We started talking about how special we are to each other. We then also realized that we’ve been together for almost 3 years. With that comes the memories for 3 years. I told him I love him. Not what he thinks he needs to be. I remembered this time we went on a date. Had to walk home in the pouring rain. We laughed and ran in the rain. We got to a tree to take a quick break and he shook the tree to have all the water fall on me and ran away laughing. We got back to his place and he gave me his pajamas to wear and then we played video games all night while cuddling on his couch. That’s the kind of romantic things I want. Yeah, grand gestures would be nice but that’s not Jimmy. I love the stuff that he does. He told me he’ll call me the next day. We talked on the phone for the next 3 days. It was nice. It made me feel important to him. He made sure everyday to tell me how important I am to him and made me laugh. This whole situation only really made me upset because I didn’t feel special anymore. I know I am to him. He wants to make me happy and that’s really all that matters.

I went to see XMen with my dad to take him out for Father’s Day. I enjoyed the movie…bar the fact they completely erased like 5 movies? I understand why they did it but it seems like such a cop out. It’s like a huge writing no-no. “And it was all a dream.” I understand they needed to undo the “damage” the other XMen movie did to the actual story of the original XMen everyone knows. Whatever, I’m excited for the opportunities. XMen vs. Avengers. YES, PLEASE. I will die happily if I ever get to see that in film.

So Lauren and I started apartment hunting again. We really want to move badly. I’m excited to see our place and have free reign to design and buy things. Because I figured I might be fairly busy this summer with my friends I decided to start packing now. I went into the garage with my mom and started sifting through my boxes from UCF and NYC. It is kind of depressing that my entire existence comes down to one box of video games, one box of kitchen/toiletries, one box of clothes, and two wheelchairs. I want more of a footprint? Maybe I can create that in Chicago. How odd considering I’m so eager to drop everything and vanish into the sunset…I make no sense. I think my internal clock wants to settle down soon but my brain wants to see the world. Seems like a constant struggle I’ll be battling my entire life. Way too immature for my own good sometimes.